remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
