I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
