He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
