based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Randomize
