Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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