I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
