Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
