im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Randomize
