The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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