why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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