Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
