here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
