i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
