I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
