just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
