I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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