im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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