Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
