I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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