Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
its liver damage thursday
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
