somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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