I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
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