oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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