Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
