the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I have feelings that need drinking.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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