and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
