Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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