Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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