just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
