I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
