I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
