Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Randomize
