two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize