where does the pee come out of this thing
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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