Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
