I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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