When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I wear drunk well.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize