anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
