I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
