I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
