I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
