Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
