I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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