I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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