I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
