I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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