OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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