Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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