I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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