she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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