i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You are a genius and a whore.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
