At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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