I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Let's paint friendship bongs
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
