i don't want you to think of me as your TA
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
