you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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