found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
