Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
My first STD was from a foam party
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
