So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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