Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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