i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
