I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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