I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
