Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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