Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
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