Porn is love you can see.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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