is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
