I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Drake has all the answers
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
