Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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