Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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