The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
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