Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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