So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
