Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
He kissed a someone with a penis
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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