my soul wont recognize me after tonight
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
